Our first trip to ER

Wednesday Sophia's cold got really bad really fast. It was about 545 pm when I called her doctors office to see what I should do about her having a fever of almost 103. I spoke with a nurse who told me she would page the on-call doctor and if I didn't hear from him in 20 minutes to call them back. I never heard from him. So-- I called back, spoke with the same nurse she then told me she would page him again and if I didn't hear anything in 15 minutes to call them back. I never heard anything. So-- I called back, spoke with a different nurse, told her my situation and that I'd had the doctor paged twice and no-one has bothered to call. She told me she would find out directly and call me back. NEVER HAPPENED. So, completely angered with her doctors office and freaking out because I'm terrified of her having a febrile seizure (I witnessed one once in one of my kids at daycare-- she was 2.5) I called back and spoke with yet another nurse. I told her that I'd been on the phone with them for over an hour, my kid is screaming, hot, refusing to eat, and miserable I told them to piss off I was taking her to ER, ut I wanted to know if I could give her Tylenol before we left, she said no.
So downtown Grand Rapids we went.
Got to ER they got us right in. They checked her out from head to toe and she checked out clear with the exception of the congestion. They gave her some baby Motrin and she was instantly a different baby. They also told me (because naturally I told them of the incident with her doctors office) 1. if she EVER gets a fever like that give her Tylenol or Motrin right away. They will believe a mommy that's rushing her baby into ER if she says they have/had a high fever. 2. find a new pediatrician. The nurse even circled and x'd the number for me to call so they can refer me to someone better. HOLY COW.

Today is day 3 of the nasty cold. She is FINALLY eating and having wet diapers, she really had me worried the last couple of days. She's not eating as much as usual but... who does when they feel like crap? She's also playing more and dancing to everything (good sign). I just feel so bad for her. I wish I could take it all away.
Thank whoever came up with Infant's Tylenol, Infant's Ibuprofen, and the genius that figured out they work better if you use them every other does.

Baby's first cold and first dance

I feel so so so bad for her. We got up around 8 this morning and she had snot everywhere and couldn't breathe. So I suctioned out her nose, took her temp and sized her up and down to determine what I'm dealing with. It doesn't pose to be anything serious and as long as I use the vaporizer religiously and pump her full of fluids hopefully this will pass fairly quickly.

On a better note. This is her favorite toy. It's from Yo Gabba Gabba, it's Brobee and he sings, dances, and throws his arms all around. She will sit and try to scoot with him... it's to friggin funny!

Colposcopy says:

Not good news but not bad news either.
Last Colp. the doctor cut 2 small sections off my cervix because they were extremely abnormal. Found out today that those spots didn't come back but there was a small section that was questionable so she cut that out. I should find out the results of that spot by Friday or Monday at the latest. I have to go back in 6 months for yet another Colposcopy, but we're all hoping by then my body has created enough antibodies to fight off the HPV completely.

I guess I can't stress enough to have your yearly Pap Smears. Before I got pregnant everything was fine, at my 6 week check up I found out I was VERY close to having precancerous cells, and now my body is fighting to keep those cells out. It's always awkward to see the OB/GYN but they can save your life.

Poor Travis. He went with me today and witnessed the whole Colposcopy. Probably not something he needed to see, but I wanted his support in case things took a turn for the worst.

Sleep Deprivation

Have you ever had a night of minimal sleep? Last night Sophia decided to wake at 3am for a feeding and just.... not go back to sleep. I tried letting her cry it out. I tried cuddling her. I tried to lay down with her. She would not have it, she just screamed. She took about an hour nap at 7am then was up till 1:30pm when we both finally crashed. However- with 2 hours of sleep I've realized a couple of things.
- I'm incredibly sleep deprived. Not just from last night but from the constant ups and downs with her.
- It's starting to ruin my health. I'm constantly tired, unmotivated, always have a headache and I'm getting pretty careless.
- I can't talk to people. Everything anyone says to me I get defensive and jump down their throat because I feel like I'm being attacked. Especially Travis (my mom too). I feel so bad for him. He will say something and I'll fly off the handle and immediately want to cry because I didn't mean to. I just feel like he has no idea what it's like.
- Even if I have the opportunity to sleep it's getting to the point where I can't. I'm constantly thinking of the things I wanted to get done but didn't. What I have to do the next day. What Sophia will be like when I have to get up with her for an early morning feeling.
I knew having a baby wouldn't always be a walk in the park but I just sort of feel like I fell into the river and am drowning.


I'm not myself anymore.

"Woulda Coulda Shoulda

all ran away and hid from one little did." -Shel Silverstein

A few scenarios I thought of today.

1. I was thinking today back to highschool for whatever reason and how I used to write. I took a creative writing class my senior year (which was the biggest year for me) and we had to write a children's book teaching something. Because I was gung-ho music that year, I wrote it on the basics. In fact I still have it. I remember my teacher telling me to let her get it published. I told her it wasn't good enough so she asked me to read it to my Music Theory class- I made the teacher do it, I was too embarrassed. After that-- she kept bugging me about getting it published and I kept turning the idea down. Now- I wish I would have.

2. My senior year. Ugh. I felt strongly about the world. About how unfair and unruly it was/is. I guess I still feel the same, just lost my passion over the years. I think it's terrible how food (a necessity for life) is kept under lock and key considered a privilege for those with money. BOGUS. I started writing a book from a "disenfranchised 17 year olds point of view". I didn't get far but I had my old English teacher proof reading and suggesting changes. She never changed anything, just encouraged me to keep going because what I had was "really interesting". I still have what I had.... I just, for whatever reason, stopped.

3. My senior project was about how highschool did nothing to prepare me for the world minus teaching me the basics. My teacher was so thrilled with it he made me present it to the Board of Education (STUPID!). Mortified, I did it anyway because I was passionate. Damn the man!

What happened to me?! My passion for wanting to change the world and all of my creativity has dried up and left me a raisin.
I look at Sophia and I want so much more for her. I know were on the path to change with Obama but still, is that really enough? I don't know. It just kind of hit me between the eyes the difference in my passion and commitment to this 5 years ago vs. now.

Sad, really.

Sick. Sick. Sick. And I can't seem to shake it.

So about a week ago Trav came down with the really nasty cold that's been going around. I tried really hard to keep healthy and avoid it because I have Sophia to care for and I'm trying desperately to get a job. Yeah. Didn't work. As of Monday I was hit- hard. Today my face is swollen in it's entirety, my head is throbbing and feeling like it's going to explode at any given moment, and my sinuses are so packed my eyes won't quit watering. Today is definitely a day I would just love to give up, crawl back in bed completely drugged up, and sleep till April. This whole being a mom and having the "suck it up and deal with it" attitude is promptly going out the window. Sophia has been staying up until at least 3am every night this week then getting up at 9ish (luckily today she is still asleep) but I have a sneaking suspicion she is getting sick too. GREAT. I haven't been sick quite like this in a couple years and all the staying up late and not being able to medicate to relieve the symptoms is adding up really quick. I can't afford to take any medications because they all make me drowsy and I can't afford to be drowsy or sleepy because I have Sophia to care for. It's a no win situation.

Misery.
Misery.
Misery.

A Valentine Memory. (Thanks to the Bookie Family)

I hate Valentines day. I think it's a waste of a day, personally, but I was just sharing with Travis my most memorable Valentine story.

Probably my favorite holiday story to date.

It was my Senior year of high school. Music Theory class. Bookie came in and asked for our help with his Valentines Day gift for his girlfriend, Michele. He had a box and some heart shaped papers (365 of them) and he wanted our help to fill these hearts with special things for Michele so she could pull one out everyday and have Valentines day 365 days a year. We thought that was mighty cute and very creative. So- gladly we helped.
Needless to say it went over well, Bookie said instead of reading one a day, she read almost, if not all that night (help me out Michele, I can't remember).

Wonderful weather but

with that comes unfortunate events.

Our apartment has 2 parking spots. My car takes one, the neighbors the other. Once Trav got his car, he parked in a grassy patch in the front yard to minimize parking problems as the neighbors work 3rd shift and Trav works normal hours. Well. Now that the snow has melted and we've got all this rain, our yard has become a massive mud pit. Where Trav parks is pretty tore up so he parked off to the opposite side of the driveway but still out of the way. As we left to do some errands yesterday..... his car slid down our hill into our yard and seemed to sink. After multiple attempts to get out, I called my tow truck driver (who has saved me a million times) to pull the car out. Tore up the yard pretty bad. Then I get a call from the Landlord (she left a voicemail). We can't park in the yard because it's against the city ordinance not to mention they already have to repair the damage to the yard. I never called her back because I don't want to tell her about our little slip and spin in the other side of the yard. It's not our fault they don't have adequate parking for their tenants. I can't wait for the day we buy our own house. I can only dream of that day it seems.

My doctors appointment has been moved to Feb. 23 instead of March 9. I'm beyond nervous for this appointment.

Sophia is 7 months today!

Getting back on track

I've decided I don't need to deal with Sophia's nasty, horrible sleep schedule. As of right now she is napping.... it's almost 7pm! So- regardless what time we go to bed tonight, we rise between 8:30 and 9am. Hopefully that will help to get her on a new, earlier schedule. Too bad we just trashed our coffee machine that let you set a timer and replaced it with one that doesn't have that option. I have a sneaking suspicion it's going to be an extremely rough next couple of days.

On a better note:
-I've kept the cat box baby gated and we've had no more poop issues!
-Travis had his heart appointment and all good news. They told him that the hole in his heart is tiny and set low so it poses no threat of getting worse, no risk of sudden death, he can continue to weight life and exercise, and it should not reduce his life span. They also told him he doesn't ever have to his heart checked again. He can if he wants-- but there's really nothing to worry about. So, fortunately for everyone involved, he walked away with a tiny hole but a clean bill of health. Excellent!
-Nothing else new or on the up and ups but.... will keep everyone updated as well as possible.

How you know when the dog is naughty.

Vacuuming has become an everyday chore around here. Everyday I wake up noticing a mini kitty litter trail through the house. Hobbs (our cat) is pretty good about his litter. His box is on a big rug so whatever is on his paws typically comes off on that rug so long as I keep it clean. But. This morning I noticed the typical build up of kitty litter in our living room and in the hallway. When I moseyed into the kitchen to make Sophia a bottle I noticed some little kitty turds strewn about. GROSS!! I turned to look at the dog and immediately her little nubs for ears went back and she ran to her bed and stayed there. Yes folks, that's right... our dog eats and plays with cat poop! I remember one day Travis and I sat on the couch and I kept smelling something but we didn't know where it was coming from.... long story short, I was sitting on a mini cat turd the dog flung up onto the couch and left for a little surprise.

So now we have a bit of a crisis. My poor cat can't poop and keep it to himself anymore. The dog feels the need to announce it to the entire house that our cats digestive system and elimination process are indeed in working order. She seems to enjoy it herself!!

Move over Andrew Zimmern.... Porkchop Hill is making an uprise in the bizarre food industry.

On that note, I think it's time for a kennel... or as I have done thus far.... baby gates.