Saturday, February 21, 2009

"Woulda Coulda Shoulda

all ran away and hid from one little did." -Shel Silverstein

A few scenarios I thought of today.

1. I was thinking today back to highschool for whatever reason and how I used to write. I took a creative writing class my senior year (which was the biggest year for me) and we had to write a children's book teaching something. Because I was gung-ho music that year, I wrote it on the basics. In fact I still have it. I remember my teacher telling me to let her get it published. I told her it wasn't good enough so she asked me to read it to my Music Theory class- I made the teacher do it, I was too embarrassed. After that-- she kept bugging me about getting it published and I kept turning the idea down. Now- I wish I would have.

2. My senior year. Ugh. I felt strongly about the world. About how unfair and unruly it was/is. I guess I still feel the same, just lost my passion over the years. I think it's terrible how food (a necessity for life) is kept under lock and key considered a privilege for those with money. BOGUS. I started writing a book from a "disenfranchised 17 year olds point of view". I didn't get far but I had my old English teacher proof reading and suggesting changes. She never changed anything, just encouraged me to keep going because what I had was "really interesting". I still have what I had.... I just, for whatever reason, stopped.

3. My senior project was about how highschool did nothing to prepare me for the world minus teaching me the basics. My teacher was so thrilled with it he made me present it to the Board of Education (STUPID!). Mortified, I did it anyway because I was passionate. Damn the man!

What happened to me?! My passion for wanting to change the world and all of my creativity has dried up and left me a raisin.
I look at Sophia and I want so much more for her. I know were on the path to change with Obama but still, is that really enough? I don't know. It just kind of hit me between the eyes the difference in my passion and commitment to this 5 years ago vs. now.

Sad, really.

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