Where has the time gone?!

Well, we've moved, settled in, and have began to calm things down. Our downstairs neighbors are actually fantastic and take very good care of us. For a shady neighborhood, there are some very good people here.

Sophia will be 1 on Saturday!! I can't believe it!! My little baby is becoming a toddler so SO fast!! Her personality sure does shine through and she has figured out totally what she likes and what she doesn't like. I am so proud to call her my daughter and I am SO happy she completes our family. I couldn't imagine life right now without her. We don't have huge plans for her birthday. We are having a party at my folks house all family invited. Between Travis and I she has 4 sets of grandparents, who have all been invited- not only to celebrate her 1st birthday but to meet as Trav and I are planning to wed next year. It should be interesting.

Out of time for now, but I'll try to be back more often!

New town, new name.

As of tomorrow, Friday officially, we will be in our new place. Our downstairs neighbor is covered in gang tattoos and they have 3 pits-- one that he told us is vicious. Apparently only to other dogs but still.. I don't want anyone touching my kid OR my dog. Rad.

Swim lessons: went okay. The first lesson, they made me dunk her. She handled it better than I thought she would- and by that I mean she didn't inhale, gag, and puke up pool water. The trick is to dunk them all the way because if they can see air that's when they inhale... Who knew? Second class Saturday... hopefully it will be a little better.

Sophia got her first tooth!! Of course, one of the bottom ones. She handled that well too. Little bit of a fever and VERY clingy. I was prepared for the poops, drool, finicky eating.. none of that. Lucky me!

No other big news as of yet. Things are getting busy though!
She is 10 months now!!

Swim Class

was alright. The pool was like 82 degrees. Nice.

Sophia did well, she doesn't like to kick when lying on her back in the water. She likes to do what they call Kangaroo hop through the water-- they made me put her underwater. She did pretty well, I think it was more traumatic for me than her but we made it through.

More next week.

Life Changes

This are falling into place yet stressing me out all the same.

First off, we got our new apartment!! We have just over 2 weeks to get everything moved and utilities transferred and what not. 2 weeks is not a lot of time- in fact I'm really stressed about only having 2 weeks to get everything moved when Trav works and I have Sophia. I know we'll have help but in that little time-- I just hope we have enough. Once we are out of here and things start to empty here and fill there I will feel so so so much better.
I'm also looking at going to school for Phlebotomy. I would have to go for Medical Assistance but that could open doors for me to become a full time (or even part time) phlebotomist. It would keep in interested and it would be a HUGE financial benefit for our family. We could actually save for our wedding, a house, and all those other things in between.

I'm excited to move.
I'm excited for summer.
I'll be excited for school, should it work out.
I'm excited for Sophia to have a cleaner, healthier place to live and play.
I'm excited to have a landlord... not a slum lord.
There are many things to celebrate!!

We recently called our landlords about our closet because when you open the door you get punched in the face by a mold/mildew smell. He came over to look at it, said there was nothing wet (ok... obviously there is, mold needs wet to grow) and we are supposed to leave the door open for it to ventilate the closet. Yeah right!! I'm not opening that door so the entire house can fill with mold spores when I have a 9 month old in the house. Needless to say- they aren't going to do anything about it. It's our problem now.
However..
We went to look at a new apartment today downtown Grand Rapids. It's on Crescent St. the two closest cross streets are College and Michigan. It's kind of a fixer upper but it's much better then what we have now! They said we could paint whatever we want, whatever colors (BONUS!) and we fully intend to. It will not only make it nice, but more home-ish. We've already paid for May here so if all goes to plan we can start painting early May and slowly move our stuff so that by June we'll be moved and settled all at the same time. Oh, how wonderful that would be! We are also setting Sophia's swim class in stone this weekend. I think it will be so, so good for her.

I will feel like a huge weight will be off my shoulders if we get this new place. I will be more able to job search as I won't have to plan a time to drive to Grand Rapids, I can just get up and.... go. We won't have to worry anymore about our daughters immediate health as there won't be any mold to deal with. I don't know. It feels like everything is finally falling into place. :)

Swim away, swim away

I've decided to enroll Sophia and I in a parent child swim class. It will be good for me to get in the water and work off some of the extra baby weight I haven't been able to loose, and she loves the water. With my mom owning a pool, my dad having a huge fairly deep pond, and Travis' mom living on a lake..... more fitting reasons to do this. If, for whatever reason, she decides to plow into the water at any given time (which I plan to teach her not to), I want her to have a basic knowledge of what to do to keep herself afloat. Not to mention I don't know how to swim so it will be good for me too!

I think this is the first step to pulling myself out of this rut mentally and physically and it's a first step to teach Sophia a beneficial yet fun lesson.

I just need to find a bathing suit I feel comfortable in. HA! Maybe they'll let me use a wet suit.

9 months!!! And counting...

Officially, today, Sophia is 9 months already. How time flies. She is now pulling herself up to her feet, in fact I went in her room to get her out of her crib after her nap this afternoon to find her standing and freaking out in her crib. She can pull herself up and then panics because she doesn't know how to get back down. Great. So that means what.... in about a month she'll be walking? I'm so not ready.

We took her to Frederick Meijer Gardens the other day. She loved the butterflies, and it was our first noted family outing. It was really nice I wish we could afford to have more family outings like that. It made me re- realize how lucky I am to have a beautiful, happy, healthy daughter and a fiance that loves me. The picture up there is Sophia and Travis in the garden.

Happy Easter, everybody!! Enjoy the day and memories.

Decisions, decisions

Within the next year (revised):

We are looking to move. When you walk into our house it's like literally walking into a wall of mildew or mold and I can't for the life of me figure out where the smell is coming from. I honestly think it's the floor boards and the closet. If we leave for a day we can feel a difference in how we feel and breathe vs when we're at home. I'm tired of putting our health and Sophia's tiny lungs and respiratory system at risk living in mold. Unhealthy. We have enough health issues to worry about already.
We've decided when to get married. No, not an exact date, but we are going to shoot for next summer, that way we have an entire year to plan things out, save up some dough, and take our time so it's done right. This also helps me big time so I can continue my tests and cancer screenings as needed with help from the government I qualify for. When we get married I get no help and there is no way we can afford those tests out of pocket, they are crazy expensive.
We're shaving the cat. I'm so over his hair EVERYWHERE. He's long haired so there is long, white cat hair on everything (all of our furniture and what not is dark) and it's starting to drive me mad.

I don't know what else will pop up within the next year but those are our immediate goals.

It really puts a wrench in my chain when

people that didn't vote say stuff. I understand we're all allowed to have our own opinions but when it comes to the man that RUNS this country, and you chose not to place a vote for one or the other.... you really should watch what you say or just shut your mouth completely. There was a certain person I mentioned this to and s/he told me s/he didn't like either candidate therefore didn't place a vote. S/he didn't like their morals (okay, I understand this to a point), didn't like their religious views (isn't that why there's a separation of church and state?), didn't think either would impact the U.S. in a positive way (then why not pick the lesser of two evils?) and the list went on. Clearly I'm an Obama supporter- YES I VOTED FOR OBAMA. But by the same token, I clearly support his morals, ideals, plans, attempts (even the failed ones), and I fully support the fact that he sets religion aside and that in his first address as President that he listed believers, non believers and everyone in between. He tries to include EVERYBODY.
An open minded person with a solid plan is exactly who I want to front my country.

I don't know why that's been buggin me so bad lately. I see a lot of peoples statues and just comments in general that say things like "swing and miss Obama" and many other derogatory remarks as such and I'm thinking.... 1. there is a comma between miss and Obama. 2. Shut up! You didn't even vote so you don't have the right to bitch. Even had you voted for McCain/Palin I wouldn't be pitching such a fit. At least you voted and expressed your opinion and for that I commend each and every person that voted for McCain.


I'm freakin out today.

Our government

can suck it.

I was kicked off Medicaid after my 6 week check up with Sophia. After all the cancer crap I had to continue having tests done so I applied for a branch of Medicaid called Plan 1st. They told me I would be covered for all my labs, tests, birth control if I chose to use it etc. Well, I had my last cancer screening at the end of Feb and I just got a 400 dollar bill because Medicaid really doesn't cover it. On top of that I get a call from another doctors office today for $70. I explained to her that I have no income, no job and I'm not collecting unemployment anymore so I literally have nothing to give her and she got very testy with me because she wants that money. I immediately flipped the bitch switch and took my tone up a notch and re-explained to her that if I HAD the money I would pay her but I don't-- what does she expect me to do? She said... "even if you pay $5 a week we won't have to have this discussion." I got very testy at this I asked her where am I supposed to get $5 a week when I HAVE NO INCOME. It's not like I'm trying to cheat them out of any money it's the fact that I have no money to pay them!! Ridiculous.

So that was a bad start to my day. I went then to visit a kid I used to babysit as he is in the hospital. He was in an accident that gave him third degree burns on 40% of his body. When I got to the hospital I drove around it in circles literally 7 times because there is so much construction going on. When I finally parked and got to his room they told me he was in therapy and that I had to wait until 1:30... no biggy (my cousin went too) we went and sat in a waiting room. When we went back up his dad came out and said they were still doing therapy and he was having a rough time so we said we would go back another day. Poor T.
I got my car back. Come to find out I had to have a new tire and wheel put on. Great. I need to sell that hunk of junk.

On top of all the money crap I dealt with this morning it made me realize I NEED a job. Heaven forbid there's an emergency and something happens. Trav has some money saved up but I need him to keep saving so we can move and have money if something happens.
I guess I just feel like a deadbeat. I know I'm not but I feel like it a lot lately. I feel like I'm the only one that can't manage to find work (even though I know that's not the case), I beat myself up because I can't pay any bills let alone put gas in my car, I hate having to ask Trav for money because I feel like I should be pulling my own weight. I went to ManPower today and updated all my stuff there. The lady working told me I'll be at the top of the pile but unfortunately even they are low on work for unqualified people.

Fantastic.

Luckiest girl ever!

Here it is!! I got it back yesterday and now, after taking it back twice, it fits!! He picked it out all on his own and I think he did perfect. I will remember the night he proposed forever. I'm not your typical girl, I have not had my wedding planned since I was 4 and no, we still have not set a date or time or anything. We know we don't want a big wedding but a small one with parents and siblings probably and a big reception. I don't really care either way, I'm just excited and probably the happiest girl in the world.

On another note I'm selling my car. I can't afford to fix it but I'll take what I can get for it. If no one wants it I think I'll just scrap it. I won't get as much as I would like for it-- but I need something a little more reliable and less costly now that Sophia is here and we have many places to go.

No other updates yet!!

Just some laughs.

We took my ring to get it sized Friday, we got it back yesterday and it's still too big so I'm going to take it back tomorrow and hopefully they'll get it right. We both are pretty bummed but by the end of the week I'll have it on for good and it will fit.

I walked into a door. Left a pretty good bruise on my head.
Here's the story. Trav's mom has a hallway with a door way that goes down a pretty good set of stairs. Just recently she installed a door in that door way so her dog couldn't get downstairs to torture the cats and so Sophia couldn't fall down the stairs now that she's mobile. Well-- oddly enough (now that I'm thinking about it)-- getting a bit side tracked here-- Sophia hit her face on the door handle just after they installed the door, she had a nice bruise on her face for a couple days, like mother like daughter I suppose. Anyway, back to my noggin, we were walking up the stairs yesterday and the door was open. Well, when the door is open it doesn't open all the way to the wall it sticks out a couple of inches, I had my head turned talking to Travis on our way up and pop! Right into the door. It nailed me right where my ear connects to my head in the back and MAN!! That's a tender spot! I had a pretty good goose egg going back there and today I saw a decent sized bruise back there and it still hurts really bad. Ugh. I guess one bad thing in a week is nothing to complain about but holy cow- I can't get over how much it hurts.

Thought you'd like to have a laugh. But if it happens to you.... get ready to hurt for a few days.

Best week ever

Wow, it's been a bit- but we've been kind of busy.

For starters, Travis proposed!! I have no picture of the ring as we took it to get sized but it's gorgeous. For picking it out all on his own (because this was a complete surprise) he clearly knows me very well. We have not set a date or decided on any of the details but it will all work itself out in time.
I found the Puma sandals I've been looking for for the last 2 years and I just got them in the mail-- for those of you that don't know, I'm extremely picky about what goes on my feet and as basic as these are, I'm surprised they don't keep these sandals in stock.
Sophia is crawling!! It's amazing what she can accomplish in just one week. Crawling, trying to pull and push up on things, sitting herself up and getting down on her own... amazing.
My car is getting fixed..... maybe. Last I heard they didn't know if it was reparable. Anyone know where I can get a cheap, safe car?

Things are falling into place left and right and I couldn't be any happier.

A trip down the stairs.

Well a stair I should say.
I was walking with Sophia down our steps (mind you there are like 4 steps) and on the last one my ankle decided to go one way while the rest of me decided to go the other and both Sophia and I landed on the ground in tears. She is fine, I knew I was going down so my maternal instinct told me to hold her close so she would land on me... at least one of us had a soft landing. She started crying because it scared her and I started crying not only because of the pain but sheer frustration. I sat outside for about 5 minutes and tried to figure out how I was going to get up and into the house. I decided to whip my shoe at our window then just... get up and go. It didn't swell too bad and there's barely a bruise so I know it's not broken or fractured but it sure is swollen today. I've propped it up... no ice but it's not like I can stay off it, I have house work to do and Sophia to chase after. Besides, the more I'm on it walking and standing the better it feels, honestly. As soon as I sit down for a while (even driving) it gets throbbing sore so I think I'd rather deal with very swollen and not so sore vs unbearably sore and no swelling.

.... It just never ends I tell you. I think I'd rather have a slap in the face.

8 months and growing

Officially, 4 months from today (1:41pm) our little peanut will be 1 year old. Where has that time gone? Amazing. It seems like we brought her home a week ago.

I guess it's time to realize the things I want to do within the next year or so not only to benefit my life but the lives of Travis and Sophia too.
*I need a job. I've been busting my butt to put in applications everywhere- I'm just unqualified for the jobs, I fear it's going to be back to daycare. Great.
*I want to move. I know realistically it's not possible right now, which is why I'm doing what I can in this house, but as Sophia gets bigger so do toys, clothes, and all other accessories and we're just out growing this place super fast.
*I want to be married. Realistically- probably not necessarily in the next year because who knows when we would be able to afford a wedding and all that goes along with it but I want to be a family. Officially. I love Travis with all I have and even if we don't get married for the next 12 years, I don't plan on going anywhere but I crave that sense of unity. Couldn't tell you why. I just do.
*I want to be healthier. I'm still trying to loose the last bit of baby weight. I don't want to get to my pre-pregnancy weight I don't think I looked (or was) healthy by any means. We're going to have a mobile child soon and I need to be around to chase and care for her and her daddy as long as humanly possible.
*I want to rescue another pit. Porkchop is the best dog I've ever encountered and I feel like she needs some company. She has definitely lost a chunk of attention with Sophia being here and I think a boyfriend may be just what she needs. Someone that can keep up with her, snuggle with her (OFF our bed), and have enough energy at the end of the day for a rough game of tug-o-war before bed.
*Lastly, I want to find a way to prove to Travis how much I love him. I don't know how or what but I will find a way to prove to him that he IS my other half come what may and whether he likes it or not.

Ha! Who knew what 8 months would bring.

My Health is on the uprise.... finally!!

I got a call from my doctor two days ago telling me the results from my Pap- done when I had my last Colp a couple weeks ago. GOOD NEWS!! My body has completely fought off the HPV so my worries of cancer and down to 0!! My pap is still abnormal but the cells are A-Typical squamous which means they're abnormal but the least amount of abnormal they can be, however, they aren't sure if that's my body fighting off the last of the HPV or if it's something else. So---- Just to be sure it's not anything serious I have to go back in another 6 months to get checked out to see what's up. I'm feeling much better about this situation.

I can't stress enough how important it is to see an ob/gyn yearly. I know some of you out there have NEVER seen one and HPV can get you and you won't even know until it's too late.

Just do it.

Travis: 1, Heather: a slap in the face.

Last night we went to bed much like every other night. Brush our teeth, let the dog out, check the baby, retire fairly peacefully-- only last night there was a minor difference. Travis decided to be a cover hog, which I'm not down with, so I try to take my half of the covers back. HA! Amidst our little cover battle Travis decides to steamroll to one side of the bed taking all the covers with him so I latch on to my little corner of covers and end up in the steamroll too. As we're fighting over the covers I get this wretched slap in the face so I retreat. It stung! Travis, laughing hysterically, asks if that was my cheek because it was "squishy". I said that it was and he laughed even harder and replied "That was the back of the hand too! You just got bitch slapped!" Haha, very funny but THEN he says "that's the first time I've ever laid a hand on a woman." That was too much for me, I lost it and started laughing too, even though I half expected to wake up finding a hand print bruise on my face (which I didn't so that's good).

Just another night in our crazy household.

Our first trip to ER

Wednesday Sophia's cold got really bad really fast. It was about 545 pm when I called her doctors office to see what I should do about her having a fever of almost 103. I spoke with a nurse who told me she would page the on-call doctor and if I didn't hear from him in 20 minutes to call them back. I never heard from him. So-- I called back, spoke with the same nurse she then told me she would page him again and if I didn't hear anything in 15 minutes to call them back. I never heard anything. So-- I called back, spoke with a different nurse, told her my situation and that I'd had the doctor paged twice and no-one has bothered to call. She told me she would find out directly and call me back. NEVER HAPPENED. So, completely angered with her doctors office and freaking out because I'm terrified of her having a febrile seizure (I witnessed one once in one of my kids at daycare-- she was 2.5) I called back and spoke with yet another nurse. I told her that I'd been on the phone with them for over an hour, my kid is screaming, hot, refusing to eat, and miserable I told them to piss off I was taking her to ER, ut I wanted to know if I could give her Tylenol before we left, she said no.
So downtown Grand Rapids we went.
Got to ER they got us right in. They checked her out from head to toe and she checked out clear with the exception of the congestion. They gave her some baby Motrin and she was instantly a different baby. They also told me (because naturally I told them of the incident with her doctors office) 1. if she EVER gets a fever like that give her Tylenol or Motrin right away. They will believe a mommy that's rushing her baby into ER if she says they have/had a high fever. 2. find a new pediatrician. The nurse even circled and x'd the number for me to call so they can refer me to someone better. HOLY COW.

Today is day 3 of the nasty cold. She is FINALLY eating and having wet diapers, she really had me worried the last couple of days. She's not eating as much as usual but... who does when they feel like crap? She's also playing more and dancing to everything (good sign). I just feel so bad for her. I wish I could take it all away.
Thank whoever came up with Infant's Tylenol, Infant's Ibuprofen, and the genius that figured out they work better if you use them every other does.

Baby's first cold and first dance

I feel so so so bad for her. We got up around 8 this morning and she had snot everywhere and couldn't breathe. So I suctioned out her nose, took her temp and sized her up and down to determine what I'm dealing with. It doesn't pose to be anything serious and as long as I use the vaporizer religiously and pump her full of fluids hopefully this will pass fairly quickly.

On a better note. This is her favorite toy. It's from Yo Gabba Gabba, it's Brobee and he sings, dances, and throws his arms all around. She will sit and try to scoot with him... it's to friggin funny!

Colposcopy says:

Not good news but not bad news either.
Last Colp. the doctor cut 2 small sections off my cervix because they were extremely abnormal. Found out today that those spots didn't come back but there was a small section that was questionable so she cut that out. I should find out the results of that spot by Friday or Monday at the latest. I have to go back in 6 months for yet another Colposcopy, but we're all hoping by then my body has created enough antibodies to fight off the HPV completely.

I guess I can't stress enough to have your yearly Pap Smears. Before I got pregnant everything was fine, at my 6 week check up I found out I was VERY close to having precancerous cells, and now my body is fighting to keep those cells out. It's always awkward to see the OB/GYN but they can save your life.

Poor Travis. He went with me today and witnessed the whole Colposcopy. Probably not something he needed to see, but I wanted his support in case things took a turn for the worst.

Sleep Deprivation

Have you ever had a night of minimal sleep? Last night Sophia decided to wake at 3am for a feeding and just.... not go back to sleep. I tried letting her cry it out. I tried cuddling her. I tried to lay down with her. She would not have it, she just screamed. She took about an hour nap at 7am then was up till 1:30pm when we both finally crashed. However- with 2 hours of sleep I've realized a couple of things.
- I'm incredibly sleep deprived. Not just from last night but from the constant ups and downs with her.
- It's starting to ruin my health. I'm constantly tired, unmotivated, always have a headache and I'm getting pretty careless.
- I can't talk to people. Everything anyone says to me I get defensive and jump down their throat because I feel like I'm being attacked. Especially Travis (my mom too). I feel so bad for him. He will say something and I'll fly off the handle and immediately want to cry because I didn't mean to. I just feel like he has no idea what it's like.
- Even if I have the opportunity to sleep it's getting to the point where I can't. I'm constantly thinking of the things I wanted to get done but didn't. What I have to do the next day. What Sophia will be like when I have to get up with her for an early morning feeling.
I knew having a baby wouldn't always be a walk in the park but I just sort of feel like I fell into the river and am drowning.


I'm not myself anymore.

"Woulda Coulda Shoulda

all ran away and hid from one little did." -Shel Silverstein

A few scenarios I thought of today.

1. I was thinking today back to highschool for whatever reason and how I used to write. I took a creative writing class my senior year (which was the biggest year for me) and we had to write a children's book teaching something. Because I was gung-ho music that year, I wrote it on the basics. In fact I still have it. I remember my teacher telling me to let her get it published. I told her it wasn't good enough so she asked me to read it to my Music Theory class- I made the teacher do it, I was too embarrassed. After that-- she kept bugging me about getting it published and I kept turning the idea down. Now- I wish I would have.

2. My senior year. Ugh. I felt strongly about the world. About how unfair and unruly it was/is. I guess I still feel the same, just lost my passion over the years. I think it's terrible how food (a necessity for life) is kept under lock and key considered a privilege for those with money. BOGUS. I started writing a book from a "disenfranchised 17 year olds point of view". I didn't get far but I had my old English teacher proof reading and suggesting changes. She never changed anything, just encouraged me to keep going because what I had was "really interesting". I still have what I had.... I just, for whatever reason, stopped.

3. My senior project was about how highschool did nothing to prepare me for the world minus teaching me the basics. My teacher was so thrilled with it he made me present it to the Board of Education (STUPID!). Mortified, I did it anyway because I was passionate. Damn the man!

What happened to me?! My passion for wanting to change the world and all of my creativity has dried up and left me a raisin.
I look at Sophia and I want so much more for her. I know were on the path to change with Obama but still, is that really enough? I don't know. It just kind of hit me between the eyes the difference in my passion and commitment to this 5 years ago vs. now.

Sad, really.

Sick. Sick. Sick. And I can't seem to shake it.

So about a week ago Trav came down with the really nasty cold that's been going around. I tried really hard to keep healthy and avoid it because I have Sophia to care for and I'm trying desperately to get a job. Yeah. Didn't work. As of Monday I was hit- hard. Today my face is swollen in it's entirety, my head is throbbing and feeling like it's going to explode at any given moment, and my sinuses are so packed my eyes won't quit watering. Today is definitely a day I would just love to give up, crawl back in bed completely drugged up, and sleep till April. This whole being a mom and having the "suck it up and deal with it" attitude is promptly going out the window. Sophia has been staying up until at least 3am every night this week then getting up at 9ish (luckily today she is still asleep) but I have a sneaking suspicion she is getting sick too. GREAT. I haven't been sick quite like this in a couple years and all the staying up late and not being able to medicate to relieve the symptoms is adding up really quick. I can't afford to take any medications because they all make me drowsy and I can't afford to be drowsy or sleepy because I have Sophia to care for. It's a no win situation.

Misery.
Misery.
Misery.

A Valentine Memory. (Thanks to the Bookie Family)

I hate Valentines day. I think it's a waste of a day, personally, but I was just sharing with Travis my most memorable Valentine story.

Probably my favorite holiday story to date.

It was my Senior year of high school. Music Theory class. Bookie came in and asked for our help with his Valentines Day gift for his girlfriend, Michele. He had a box and some heart shaped papers (365 of them) and he wanted our help to fill these hearts with special things for Michele so she could pull one out everyday and have Valentines day 365 days a year. We thought that was mighty cute and very creative. So- gladly we helped.
Needless to say it went over well, Bookie said instead of reading one a day, she read almost, if not all that night (help me out Michele, I can't remember).

Wonderful weather but

with that comes unfortunate events.

Our apartment has 2 parking spots. My car takes one, the neighbors the other. Once Trav got his car, he parked in a grassy patch in the front yard to minimize parking problems as the neighbors work 3rd shift and Trav works normal hours. Well. Now that the snow has melted and we've got all this rain, our yard has become a massive mud pit. Where Trav parks is pretty tore up so he parked off to the opposite side of the driveway but still out of the way. As we left to do some errands yesterday..... his car slid down our hill into our yard and seemed to sink. After multiple attempts to get out, I called my tow truck driver (who has saved me a million times) to pull the car out. Tore up the yard pretty bad. Then I get a call from the Landlord (she left a voicemail). We can't park in the yard because it's against the city ordinance not to mention they already have to repair the damage to the yard. I never called her back because I don't want to tell her about our little slip and spin in the other side of the yard. It's not our fault they don't have adequate parking for their tenants. I can't wait for the day we buy our own house. I can only dream of that day it seems.

My doctors appointment has been moved to Feb. 23 instead of March 9. I'm beyond nervous for this appointment.

Sophia is 7 months today!

Getting back on track

I've decided I don't need to deal with Sophia's nasty, horrible sleep schedule. As of right now she is napping.... it's almost 7pm! So- regardless what time we go to bed tonight, we rise between 8:30 and 9am. Hopefully that will help to get her on a new, earlier schedule. Too bad we just trashed our coffee machine that let you set a timer and replaced it with one that doesn't have that option. I have a sneaking suspicion it's going to be an extremely rough next couple of days.

On a better note:
-I've kept the cat box baby gated and we've had no more poop issues!
-Travis had his heart appointment and all good news. They told him that the hole in his heart is tiny and set low so it poses no threat of getting worse, no risk of sudden death, he can continue to weight life and exercise, and it should not reduce his life span. They also told him he doesn't ever have to his heart checked again. He can if he wants-- but there's really nothing to worry about. So, fortunately for everyone involved, he walked away with a tiny hole but a clean bill of health. Excellent!
-Nothing else new or on the up and ups but.... will keep everyone updated as well as possible.

How you know when the dog is naughty.

Vacuuming has become an everyday chore around here. Everyday I wake up noticing a mini kitty litter trail through the house. Hobbs (our cat) is pretty good about his litter. His box is on a big rug so whatever is on his paws typically comes off on that rug so long as I keep it clean. But. This morning I noticed the typical build up of kitty litter in our living room and in the hallway. When I moseyed into the kitchen to make Sophia a bottle I noticed some little kitty turds strewn about. GROSS!! I turned to look at the dog and immediately her little nubs for ears went back and she ran to her bed and stayed there. Yes folks, that's right... our dog eats and plays with cat poop! I remember one day Travis and I sat on the couch and I kept smelling something but we didn't know where it was coming from.... long story short, I was sitting on a mini cat turd the dog flung up onto the couch and left for a little surprise.

So now we have a bit of a crisis. My poor cat can't poop and keep it to himself anymore. The dog feels the need to announce it to the entire house that our cats digestive system and elimination process are indeed in working order. She seems to enjoy it herself!!

Move over Andrew Zimmern.... Porkchop Hill is making an uprise in the bizarre food industry.

On that note, I think it's time for a kennel... or as I have done thus far.... baby gates.

sleepless nights, panic attacks and what to make for dinner

For the last 3 nights Sophia goes to bed at about 2am-3am, gets up at 7am-8am, goes back down till about noon, then naps till around 3. I think she's getting her days and nights mixed up and I don't know how to fix it. It's really tough to stay up all day with her and then all night on and off too. She's been really whiny too, no fevers, no swollen gums I just don't know anymore.

To top it all off, when I got up today everything was fine. I did the dishes, and started cleaning the house while she napped. Travis got some time to himself to do whatever he wanted and I got a clean house (mostly clean anyway). When he left for work, I stuck Sophia in front of the TV for some SpongeBob and I jumped in the shower. After I got myself dressed and everything I started feeling... funny. So I decided to sit down-- and BOOM! Instant panic attack. I went into hysterics like only once before. Then Sophia had a meltdown because she could sense I wasn't ok but I literally couldn't pry myself up to get her I was crying and panicking so hard I could move so here we both sat bawling like never before. I tried to call my dad for some help (he lives the closest) but I got no answer so like in a car crash, I threw the wheel and just sat there bawling, hyperventilating and just listening to Sophia cry.... which in turn only made it worse. I finally got myself to stop hyperventilating and crawled over to her and just held her while we both cried..... real tears.

I don't know what happened. My brain is riddled with unpleasant images and thoughts. We're both okay now. Exhausted but okay... that was terrible.


I'm having a hard time lately trying to figure out things for dinner. I can't grocery shop because I don't know what to buy.


What a nasty day.

Nothing new but a "Milestone"

Our darling daughter has discovered her voice in full. Oh my goodness I don't know what to do. If the dog decides to play she screams. If the cat decides to show his face what so ever, she screams. If she sees herself in the mirror...... she screams. It's not the cute little baby screams anymore either. It's the high pitched, blood curdling, ear piercing so loud the neighbors can hear her behind closed doors kind of scream. It was funny at first but now.... I want to sell the animals and hide every mirror ever. And also break the glass in our bookshelf because she also sees herself in that and screams. It's pretty funny but also pretty painful.

Man. I love her.

Sometime before this summer I want to enroll her in a swim class. She LOVES bath time and screams when I take her out. She could care less about any bath toys she loves to splash and kick her feet. My mom has a pool and Travs mom lives on a lake so she'll be around water all the time. I just want her to know how to handle herself in the water-- even now, because I still don't know how to swim.

Outside of that nothing new. Trav's heart appointment is this Wednesday. Hopefully everything goes well!

Engagements. Weddings. Baby Showers. Trends.

When I was pregnant it seemed like EVERYONE was pregnant or trying. Now that I'm not pregnant.... everyone that wasn't pregnant when I was is. It's a funny little game. I love it.

I suppose now that I have started a family I tend to notice the trend of others starting theirs whether it's with a baby, a ring, or just a formal relationship. I'm tending a baby shower today and for the first time since I've had Sophia (dare I say it-- I vowed I never would) I wish we could do it all over again. I don't like the pregnancy part, emotions, getting huge, watching this alien poke it's hands, feet and butt out of your ever so stretched belly, and of course labor. But I miss the end result. Even though we had the neonatal nurse whisk Sophia away as soon as she was born just the first cry, the first sight of her, the first unsure smile at Travis that we've officially just pulled off the best thing the world has to offer... I don't know. I miss it. There's a lot that comes with a family, but I wouldn't change anything.

I've had PLENTY of people tell me we are going to Hell or we screwed up because we had Sophia out of wedlock, this that and the other. All I have said to them (this is much more kind) is bug off!! The way I see it is if you plan for a baby, you'll never have one. You'll never be financially ready for a child- that's not something you can plan for. And No. Sophia was not an accident both of us had a mutual decision to make her. Someday we will get married (I hope hope hope so anyway). Then we will have the same last names, we'll be an "official" family in their eyes. I feel pretty ballsy saying this but I know the people that have actually said that to me have said it based on their religion-- and that's totally fine but how do you know I believe what you do? You have to watch what you say and to whom you say it.

In the end, I just want to congratulate everyone that just got a ring, is having a baby, or anyone that's just found a special someone. It's a wonderful feeling so enjoy it to it's fullest.

Growing, growing... Gone!!

Sophia had her 6 month well child today. She is 16.5 pounds (55% for weight) and 28 inches (100% for height) with a 17 inch head (65%). Very tall, very average weight with a fairly big dome. She handled her shots well. Cried for the initial poke and got over it fairly fast.... it was awesome compared to how she usually handles it. I think it was because Daddy was there to make her smile. It seems like just yesterday she was a newborn 9 pounder. And it's nuts to think in 6 more months she'll be a year already. JEEZE.

Two more weeks till Trav's check up.
Just over a month till mine.
Great.

No new news. Hooray for Obama-rama. Change is on the way.

When life gets you down

Your family is there to catch you.

I spend so much time at home Cabin Fever is as common around here as dusting, dishes and diapers. I've learned though, whenever time stands still... to look at Sophia and more often than not she'll give me an ear to ear, gummy smile that can make the world stop.

I've noticed with so much time to "myself" (in quotes because we all know with a 6 month old you get zero 'me' time) that my mind is given many places to wander. It can range anywhere from: Travis is going to leave me for someone better to if I could buy new shoes, what color laces would I want? I can even manage to convince myself that things are going to happen 9 out of 10 times they are bad things too. Then I stop and think. Wow. This is not healthy!! I have a beautiful baby girl that needs me happy and healthy to care for her, my other half depends on me for help, support and happiness and I NEED both of them in my life to merely survive. I don't know if it was the pregnancy that changed me but ever since I've had Sophia I worry about things I never even gave a thought to before and stress out over every little thing that could go wrong.

I think when Spring arrives, things will be much better. I can't wait to get outside with no snow, to let Sophia crawl in the grass for the first time. To play fetch with Porkchop in the yard instead of through the house, maybe even let the cat out! Winter has a negative attitude with it's cold, bitter self and I'm seeing more and more how it pours into our everyday lives.

BOO WINTER!!

"My name is Penelope. I like to dance."

Yo Gabba Gabba is on!! I swear no matter where we're at in the house Sophia knows the theme song to this show and automatically starts to smile, laugh and squirm. She will stop and drop everything to watch this show- and she's only 6 months.
You can totally tell she's our kid because she's all about monsters.

There's not really news around here. I'm still trying to find a decent job (HA!) but still enjoying and feeling extremely fortunate to have time home with Sophia while she's this young. If finances weren't so tight I don't think I would mind being a stay at home mom. I have the tools and the skills to get her to learn what she needs up to Kindergarten, thanks to almost 5 years of teaching preschool at the daycare. As bittersweet as those 5 years were.

Everyone has doctor visits coming up.

Sophia has one next Tuesday, just her 6 month check up with shots. I'm very torn. At her 4 month check up they gave her the combine vaccine so she only had 2 shots but all 4 immunizations. I've done some research on the combination vaccines and there are a couple things in those shots that is supposedly linked to Autism and other things. I know the cause of Autism isn't known but I don't know that I want to subject her to something that COULD cause something like that... and we don't know the long term effects of these chemicals. I don't want her to have 4 shots given if she doesn't have to (trust me that's not an easy thing to watch and I'm sure it will NEVER get any easier) but at the same time, I'd rather her have 4 pokes than a life time with Autism.

Travis has an appointment in February with a Cardiologist. He has a Ventricular Septal Defect so every 4 to 6 years he needs to have the hole and the pressures in his heart checked to make sure everything is staying the same and not getting worse. Hopefully things are fine- I don't know why they wouldn't be but like everything--- better safe than sorry. I think it's been like 6 years anyway so he's due.

I have an appointment in March. At my 6 week checkup after having Sophia I had an abnormal Pap. My first one EVER so I was so scared. They called me on my birthday to tell me I had to go in right away for more tests but they wouldn't tell me why. NICE! So I went in that following Monday and they way the doc explained it to me is there are 5 stages before Cervical Cancer and I was at stage 4. Each stage has a seperate sub stage, if you will. 1 is not so bad. 2 is pretty bad. 3 is stepping on the toes of the next stage up. I had a Colposcopy done and they determined my Stage was stage 4 sub stage 2. So- I have to go back in March to have another test done to see if things are getting worse, staying the same, or getting better. My doctor told me my body can fight these cells off but it could take 5 years. In the mean time I have to be monitored every 6 months because if these cells get worse- we could have cancer on our hands. Now much like the rest of the world I was like... NAH slim to none chances of that happening. The doc told me it only took me 10 months to get to this stage so things are turning bad fast. GREAT!! THANKS DOC!! I'm just hoping for the best but preparing for the worst. I don't ever want to hear I can't have more kids. That would crush me big time.

That's all I have time for now. Yo Gabba Gabba is over and Sophia wants a bottle. :)
I'm sure to be back sooner or later.

Where to begin?

July 11th, 2008- 1:41pm, I gave birth to a 9lb. 6oz., 23.5 inch long baby girl. After 28 hours and 41 minutes of labor... Sophia Lynne Hill had made her long awaited arrival!! Only one day late.

I read all the things moms post about what their children say, or things they do, and new accomplishments and milestones they've reached and I really can't wait to do that. Tomorrow Sophia will be 6 months and we're still working on the whole sitting thing. She's close... but no cigar.

Just before Christmas she looked up at me and said "Mmmmmmmmmmama" and was so proud of herself. I was so happy I smiled from ear to ear and just started bawling. I couldn't control it... didn't really care to either. Naturally- she hasn't said it since, but she sure does say "Dada" ALL THE TIME.

I know there are so many firsts still ahead and I can't wait to embrace them all the way I embraced her and her "Dada" the day she was born. I'm not rushing it though. I've worked with kids for almost 5 years at the daycare and I know how fast it goes by.


I guess really, I just needed a place to rest my thoughts and share our accomplishments and just... vent about life whether good, bad, or ugly.
So- welcome!