Have you ever had a night of minimal sleep? Last night Sophia decided to wake at 3am for a feeding and just.... not go back to sleep. I tried letting her cry it out. I tried cuddling her. I tried to lay down with her. She would not have it, she just screamed. She took about an hour nap at 7am then was up till 1:30pm when we both finally crashed. However- with 2 hours of sleep I've realized a couple of things.
- I'm incredibly sleep deprived. Not just from last night but from the constant ups and downs with her.
- It's starting to ruin my health. I'm constantly tired, unmotivated, always have a headache and I'm getting pretty careless.
- I can't talk to people. Everything anyone says to me I get defensive and jump down their throat because I feel like I'm being attacked. Especially Travis (my mom too). I feel so bad for him. He will say something and I'll fly off the handle and immediately want to cry because I didn't mean to. I just feel like he has no idea what it's like.
- Even if I have the opportunity to sleep it's getting to the point where I can't. I'm constantly thinking of the things I wanted to get done but didn't. What I have to do the next day. What Sophia will be like when I have to get up with her for an early morning feeling.
I knew having a baby wouldn't always be a walk in the park but I just sort of feel like I fell into the river and am drowning.
I'm not myself anymore.
Manly Task #45
3 years ago